Meum cerebrum nocet

It's some unearthly hour on the last day of term, and I'm blogging again because my sleep was interrupted by a text message (cue creepy sense of deja vu). Almost unreal, this feeling that I'll be home withing 36 hours. Back in the sticky warmth I was born into, the familiar-forgotten smiles through airport glass, the security of my parents' arms around me, the hour-long drive home when my inner world slowly unwinds on the road to rest, the collapse of barriers when the door closes behind me and I am surrounded by the spaces and objects that define me.

There is a part of us that will always remain the child who once fell asleep in its mother's lap, the child who saw eternity in the thrilling moments of being swung from a pair of strong arms, the child who yearned to grow up so fast. I suppose it's this need of security and care-lessness that gives rise to religions and systems of belief that places accountability on powers beyond ourselves. But we all grow, and the once-small glass that was so easy to fill takes more and more effort to be fulfilled. In life, one can only hope to segue from dawn to dusk.

Pour Moi??

Such an utter klutz today, without actually being physical. Put an egg on the stove to boil and promptly forgot about it until ages later I went into the kitchen to explore the source of the rather acrid burning smell seeping into my room through the overhead kitchen vent. Gaaah! Bits of broken eggshell everywhere, and a rather sheepish me.

(Comment on the side: what does it mean to look "sheepish"? Baaa...)

Anyway, here is an utterly shameless little blog entry. Tis the season for giving, n'est pas? Though some might argue that gifts given totally out-of-the-blue are far nicer hehe. Well people, it's me birthday on the 22nd and Christmas on the 25th. And this is my "oh! would so love to have any of this, but really, you shouldn't have" list.

Ah! you say. This young woman's been given a wonderful new cello - honestly, that instrument's worth a decade of birthday and Christmas presents. Smiling (sheepishly), I'll reply: I've been very good this year - honest! And without further ado, my WishList of 2005"

From Canongate US and increasingly popular religion-historian Karen Armstrong, an essay tracing the development of mythology and its major impact on the various chapters in human history. A welcome alternate would of course be Kenneth Davis's Don't Know Much about Mythology or Don't Know Much about World Myths hehe..

1930s classic anti-Stalinist protest literature wrapped in a surreal allegory of good and evil, weaving Pontius Pilate's prefecture in Jerusalem with multiple narratives... a brilliant, dark matrioska doll of a book, apparently. Tamara recommended this to me sometime ago, and I've just remembered it when I saw a copy lying in Linus' flat on Saturday. Sounds terribly intruiging... I want the uncensored translation!

And last on my book wishlist (being good here ;D)... A non-fiction account of how Caravaggio's lost painting The Taking of the Christ was eventually tracked down, though apparently this reads like a good ole fiction romp, with typically dry and tedious descriptions of artistic restoration well livened up. (Random House 2005)

There you go. Being rather cultured aren't I?

Tying up of loose ends

'Tis nearing the end of my first term in tertiary education. What an adventure 2005 has been, what a rollercoaster ride. Sloggin through a tonne of reading during the daylight hours (not that there's a whole of of that huh) to enjoy Manchester like the nocturnal creature I am. S'ppose on Friday I can just board the plane and start my winter hibernation...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From Japundit via asiapundit, here's a brilliant, absolutely not-to-be-missed short documentary on.. How to Eat Sushi, the 'proper' Japanese way. *smirk* "Maa maa maa maa".... Verily, yours truly was unquestionably enlightened.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a more personal note, here a bigggg Happy Burfdayyy to all my December babies! Tsk, tsk. Judging on the number of friends' bdaes round about now, March really seemed like THE month for lurrrvvvin'. Lots of love, hugs, kisses and slugs (jk, jk) - man... the videos from Shyan's 22nd are just classic. Really missing so many people at the moment though... the countless birthdays I've celebrated with countless different people flash past in an instant, never to be relived except in blurred photos and mind-dizzying MPEGs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spontaneously exhilarating conversation with Uncle Long and Phing on Saturday night - newfound travel buddies! So where to now, my dears? Europe beckons, tantalisingly. If Prague then we might as well do the area ie Germany, Austria etc. If Turkey then Macedonia, Greece? Oh, to be care-free and rich! p.s. the Trans-Siberian Railway's still a wild dream...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Applied for a fantastic job - *fingers crossed* but being realistic about it as MorrisHargreavesMcIntyre need people now but I'm only available for work starting February 1. Alternatively, am sending my CV to Whitworth Art Gallery. Wilmslow Park's only feasible next year if I can find a job with low minimum hours - not in desperate need of pocket money and not willing to sacrifice studies and health for work, but just wanna make up the $$ balance if I want to stay in posh private accommodation. Don't mind starting work next sem; have to admit - that extra bit of spending cash would come in handy, plus I really should start some serious saving if I'm going to travel in 2006.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another reason to celebrate - my group got a First in our work psychology presentation!! Waheyy thanks goes out to: Dara, Yas, Sunjay, Has (yes, now we all believe you did break your arm, silly) But the seminar leader was a bit of a racist bitch, wasn't she... Colour is beautiful, you stingy bleached old prune. We rule!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My room's freezing cold and absolutely reeks of the entire block's lunchtime cooking. More books to read before I can come home, a puny little Financial Reporting computer-based test to do, a long-overdue trip to Trafford Centre avec un bon copain d'achats à faire du lêche vitrine (hehe..), probably partying every night, and meeting a motley of Manchester friends for the last time in 2005. Bonne chance all for the Xmas studying! My empty suitcase is begging to be fed...

View of Picadilly Gardens late one watery, smouldering afternoon. Atmosphere so lush you can almost feel the wetness on your skin, and a bird winging its way - to warmer skies perhaps? (Note this photo is completely unedited.)

Malaysia vs UK

It's been a day for crashing, with tears and headaches, soggy tissues and comforting coffee, irritable bus drivers and reliable good friends. (You know who you are - thank you.) I'll not add another sob-story to the ever-growing ocean of blogged tragedies. Instead, here's a collection of photos over the past few years specially for an ole friend who asked whether I preferred Malaysia or England. We carry the greenest grass wherever we go, though sometimes it really takes a bit of effort to recognise that. I'll start with the smallest, often-overlooked things.



Clyclamen mini on a blue napkin.

(Indoors, Dorset, UK)









Pink Thunderlily amidst "pearl grass".

(Domestic garden, Selangor, Malaysia)








The West, where young people are highly skilled in intepreting centuries' old music on traditional instruments...

(Concert hall, Bristol, UK)




...and the East, where the elderly listen to their choice of music on the latest technology.

(Night market, Selangor, Malaysia)













From small ancient seeds inspiration sprouts...

(Vicars Close, Somerset, UK)









...giving wings to our immortal dreams.

(Petronas Twin Towers, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)





Wherever in these two countries you may be, you'll always find a place...

(Poole, Dorset, UK)





...to lose yourself amidst stormy waves, or in calm waters discover the sublime.

(Kuala Rompin, Terengganu, Malaysia)





But though the trees could be the same to most of us...

(Along Boh Tea Plantation, Cameron Highlands, Malaysia)






(Along the Thames, London, UK)










...it's easy to admire the effortless beauty of an arching fan vault and light filtered through dusky glass,

(The Octagonal Room, Wells Cathedral, UK)



and absorb yourself in the endlessly patterning lace-like supports of a tropical wooden roof.

(Awana Kijal, Terengganu, Malaysia)




Whether sipping cold pina coladas on warm sand...

(Terengganu Coast, Malaysia)







...or steamy kisses in frosty air,

(Lacrosse fields, Dorset, UK)








Each to his own likes and dislikes.

(Moat around Bishop's Palace, Somerset, UK)







After all, isn't the world a big enough playing field for all of us?

(Kuala Rompin, Terengganu, Malaysia)

Photosluts vs Camwhores..?

Just love the way language evolves, especially with this lovely over-grown mongrel called (Queen's) English. *chortle*


Um. Hate to plunge into a completely different train of thought just when the entry was starting to get amusing, but hey blogging's supposed to be a means of expressing one's thoughts and emotions, n'est pas?

The wind from our sighs could wipe away the entire world.

Grandmother's been through hell and back this week, though I've only just found out. The tumour was swelling her verterbrae and exerting intense pressure on her spinal cord. Mum's taken her to hospital a few days in a row, but didn't want me to get worried. Suppose I shouldn't be now that they've eliminated the pain, but it still doesn't stop me from imagining her agony and wishing so badly that I was there with Mum.

On a darker note, Singapore executed an Australian (of Korean heritage) less than 24 hours ago. The crime? Drug smuggling. Capital punishment is still very prevalent also in Malaysia - thrice a year for the past 4 years I've heard the same announcement over the MAS PA system: "May passengers be reminded that the bringing of drugs into Malaysia is illegal and holds a mandatory death sentence..."

In recent years I've grown increasingly disturbed that capital punishment is still doled out on occasion. Note Mrs. English's influence on my thinking if you will, but if there was one thing I could change about my country - or any other country for that matter - it would be to abolish the death penalty. (The second is many countries' negative stance against euthanasia, but more about that other time.) I can be uttely confident in saying that most of us view murder (ie the taking of a person's life against their freewill) is a heinous crime. To further emphasise my point: one does not punish any crime with a heavier crime. Why hang a drug-smuggler? One does not punish an action with the same action. Does hanging murderers not, in effect, make us murderers on the basis that we create and belong to the very societies that condemn them? To quote Amnesty International:

"The death penalty is the ultimate cruel, inhuman and degrading punishment. It violates the right to life. It is irrevocable and can be inflicted on the innocent. It has never been shown to deter crime more effectively than other punishments."

To quote Steph Vicic (wherever on earth she got this one from), one of the wisest and most intelligent people I've ever had the honour of knowing:

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

Well said, my dear. Well said.

Learnt a new word today =)
Moratorium:

1. Law.
   1. An authorization to a debtor, such as a bank or nation, permitting temporary suspension of payments.
   2. An authorized period of delay in the performance of an obligation.
2. A suspension of an ongoing or planned activity: a moratorium on the deployment of a new weapon.

For example, "A UN resolution calling for a worldwide moratorium on executions has been co-sponsored by 76 countries, one more than in 2003 and the highest number ever."

Mankind will never find a way of taking life from those who no longer want or deserve it and giving it to those who need it, however high our dreams fly. But - the moments are trickling away, too precious to be wasted in front of a cold impersonal screen and a largely-uncaring audience. dum loquimur, fugerit invida aetas: carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero


p.s. will put up links to various sites on the left, soon! photo above taken in Wells Cathedral, Somerset, the heart of one of my alma maters...

Last month, first day

Happy Birthday to my Mummy! And lil cousin bro Sean/Shau Chi! (okay, not-quite-so-little anymore, but stil young enough for me to beat you hands down at a lot of things hehe...) As we celebrate, let us also commemorate World AIDS Day, remembering those who have fallen, those who suffer, and those whose futures hold uninmaginable pain.

So many things to do, so little time. One song I listen to from time to time to keep life in perspective is Jewel's Hands ("my hands are small, I know, but they're not yours they are my own...").

At the moment I'm bordering on being anaemic but am determined not to let it get me down too much. Nuthin' I can do except eat properly (iron-rich food n the tiniest amount of folic acid everyday), and try not to get burnt out too quicky each academic term. On the whole, I manage to survive pretty well. (Small comment on the side: pregnant women take folic acid, for goodness' sake. Mum was allergic to folic acid or something like that when she was carrying me; the irony is that now I've to eat a truck-load of the stuff over my entire life.)

I was bloody hungry, dizzy-headed, waaayy too warm under the duvet despite an open window by the bed, and scarily chock-full of sparky thoughts. Had a long-past-midnight meal, updated my CV, read a few tips on photography, listened to some Josh Groban (yar yar, don't have to nudge so) and now I'm a slightly happier bunny. =) Ignore the time under this entry - it's actually closer to dawn than midnight.

A motley collection of things to do over the next decades:
~ become of better person
~ become a better musician
~ learn Spanish to an intermediate level plus enough of another to communicate, brush up my Chinese and French
~ become a better photographer
~ get a tattoo
~ work for an NGO (perhaps WorldVision)
~ "adopt" a child
~ find the one I'm going to marry, and marry him
~ have his children
~ if above option not possible, adopt for real
~ learn how to dive
~ own a gorgeous luxury sports car and drive it on weekends
~ more realistically, graduate with a solid degree, get a good job with a salary enough to keep myself and my family comfortable
~ travel a little bit more of the world: Turkey, Greece, the African Continent, South America, the Caucasus, Canada, Oceania, do the trans-Siberian Railway or the Silk Route, virgin rainforests still left in Malaysia. Make use of my TEFL dip. now that I've achieved it
~ further develop my culinary skills =p
~ never lose sight of who I am through change and time, die loved and still loving myself

Enough for a whole lifetime and more.

Life is a stage,
So play your part.
Some will slander,
Some will shy,
Damn the critics,
And live your life.

Grrr...

Feeling more than a bit miffed now. Got woken up by an uneccesary text message (won't mention names) literally within moments of falling into a deep sleep. Head's spinning cos I really need some rest but it's almost like I've just drunk an expresso or some caffeinated shit.

Now what does Yi-Wen do when she's insomniac? Good question. I've resorted to combining several of my favourite things in life.

(Slight digression: *cue music* " Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens... snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes, silver white winters that melt into springs... When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so baaaad..." Hehe couldn't resist that. Must've been Monday's prancing around in the snow plus our inability to remember any lyrics whatsoever from the Sound of Music, of all things...)

So here I am, and these are a few of my favourite things when I'm stressed:

I listen to... Rachmaninov's Sonata for Cello and Piano, 3rd Movement Andante. Repeatedly. Recording by Yo Yo Ma and Emmanuel Ax, the most harmonious and lyrical interpretation of this over-recorded movement, in my opinion of course. I'll lend you my other recording by Lynn Harrell and Vladimir Ashkenazy and let you judge for yourself if you want. Tend to alternate between the two, not just this sonata but also the Prokofiev, depending on my mood.

I look at... some of the photos I've taken in the past. The very French scene above one of my favourite from the July trip; Abbaye de Chancelade, just below the stairs to our "dressing room". If I'm bored of the same old ones, I go onto National Geographic or some other favourite photo sites/blogs. Alternatively, the Taschen biography of Rembrandt I picked up in Oxfam is a surefire ruffled-feathers-smoother. (heyy I like that term!)

I write... or blog, depending on how much work I've done that day. Blogging's an easy way of stress-relief - helps me organise my thoughts and wind down. Hence a stark absence of polished reviews/commentaries on current affairs etc. I do more than enough of that anyway. If I'm still up for some serious mental work-out, I continue the never-ending process of writing my (rather neglected) book, which is several light-years from seeing daylight, I'm afraid.

I read... again, depends on my mood. Haven't done much personal reading this term, unfortunately. Usual favs: myths, Ernst Gombrich's Story of Art (alas! at home), whatever moderately light fiction in the room, maybe some poetry. Which now brings us to one of the best poems by John Donne (whom I've loved since... Year 10?)

A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning

As virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
"Now his breath goes," and some say, "No."

So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears ;
Men reckon what it did, and meant ;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers' love
—Whose soul is sense—cannot admit
Of absence, 'cause it doth remove
The thing which elemented it.

But we by a love so much refined,
That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assurèd of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to aery thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two ;
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if th' other do.

And though it in the centre sit,
Yet, when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th' other foot, obliquely run ;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.

Now then, John Donne was one helluva dodgy ole bugger, who liked his wine and women a little too much for his missus' comfort (poor lass). But I have to say that this poem is one of his more meditative, appreciative ones, with simply unusual and lovely imagery that feels so right. No passionate declaration of love, no bleeding emotions. Just utterly sanguine in the knowledge that one's patient other half will always be there, unconditionally. Too-few poets manage to convey such depth of feeling with such clean, deceptively-simple use of language.

The musicians are nearing the end of Rachmaninov's sublimely lyrical Andante. The blog entry has accomplished its purpose. Think I could go back to sleep now, and dream. Thy firmness makes my circle just, and makes me end, where I begun...

Dancing Magic

I woke up late yesterday. Indulged in some lazing around, the bum that I am. Then saw through a slit in the curtains that just outside, only half a centimetre of glass away, one of winter's rare blessings. Fat snowflakes swirled lazily on eddies of wind, chasing each other around branches and joining their fallen relatives on the ground. Pure magic; of course not as fantastical as St Petersburg was that long-ago December, but certainly far more satisfying than a meagre pinch of Sherbornian snow.
The snow had considerably lessened by the time I met JJ by the statue at Whitworth Park, but as we strolled around enjoying his first proper snow (aww, bless!) the sky was very obliging. There's something about the very even, crystalline light of snowfall that makes everything stand out so crisp and fragile, and utterly beautiful. Helps one treasure these simple, eternal, fleeting moments in life.Couldn't help but recall the time Eun-Jung, Rosy, Taz and I had in Russia on that brilliant history trip. Simply had to let the snowflakes fall and slide off my hair, despite the cold. Strange, doing exactly the same thing we did in that beautiful monastery outside Moscow, knowing that we're all scattered now. But here's a smile - for the past friendships that were given their own time, and for the promise of the future. So as we look up into infinity and the answers to our aching questions,
Remember, not to bury our hearts and forgotten dreams in the lonely cold.
And truly believe that every bump that upset the momentum, every occasion we got trodden upon, made for an interesting road through life after all.

Segue

10 days since I last blogged! Tut tut. Shows how absolutely manic my life has been in this month of transition. (Ties in with the blog name I suppose.) 10 reasons. But first let me just say:

Life is so bloody beautiful.

Un... found my new best friend. Lover. Soul mate. Extension of myself. Suppose the tragedy really is that my new cello will never really love me back. Ah well. Keeping fingers crossed for brilliant weather this wkend, although we're expecting snow! German xmas markets been up for a week around the "rich area" (St Anne's Square etc) and I wanna go busk! Drawn up a list of cheesy xmas and Disney songs haha... which brings me to

Deux... weather is changing from autumn to winter. Didn't expect this winter to be the coldest in quite a few years. Plus the fact that Manchester is so much further up north than good ole Somerset/Dorset AND my heater hasn't been working AND my window doesn not shut properly can only mean one thing: retail therapy! Can console my rapidly shrinking bank account with the thought that Daddy's told me to go buy more warm clothes (since I got no one to keep me warm horr...)

Trois... given up confusion and aching, now generally frustrated and sometimes fed-up. Natural survival instinct perhaps?

Quatre... from business undergrad to trained TEFL teacher! Whoa that was one intensive weekend I survived, but it was damn satisfying. Met so such interesting people across a huge age range, really opened my mind. Now eagerly awaiting that precious cert to arrive so I can add it to the ever-growing CV...

Got locked out of my room! Silly me.. went to buy a bulb while the repair men were fixing my window which kinda needed a new frame, and they locked the door once they had finished.

Can't be bothered with this post anymore.. wanna go write out some music then sleep! Photo above taken in front garden of l'accueil de madaleine watever - the catholic hostel place we stayed in in France...

Time suspended

"Plead the fleeting moment to remain." So says Kazumi in Tony Parson's Man and Wife. Yet succeeding in that would mean remaining stagnant and in a living death forever, because our lives are made up of moments just passing by in a continuous, sublimal stream, quicker than the flow of fireflies in a mangrove swamp; a few minutes past 5 in the morning and I could almost believe that time itself has paused for a slow, tender breath. Am I subconciously preparing myself for the worst? Perhaps. I still remember the date: 3rd July, the day of our Leaver's Ball. Mummy's voice on the Mulliner payphone, the sudden choking catch of my diaphragm when I heard the news. Cancer - 6 little harmless letters that everyone dreads to hear but my grandmother slips in so nochalently between Hakka and Cantonese words. She did seem to get better before our Singapore trip, but by the time Fresher's Week was over they said she had deteriorated. Slight scare when the October CT scan apparently revealed a growing tumour, but then reassurance from the Singapore doctor that it was the same size. The last two weeks the pain has increased and spread. It's not looking good. More news soon after her appointment in Singapore today.

Woke up relatively late this morning to another gorgeous day. Urge to go out instead of rotting away with worry in room - thank goodness for unlimited free txts. 1/2 price dim sum again at Pearl City with Le Suen, Esther, Jasley, Ray, Rachelle and Fiona. Anita not well and JJ too tired from Nottingham Games. Nice going out with this bunch once in a while, mainly just to eat. Would have even less things to say if I met up with them more often especially if JJ isn't there too. No further comments for very good reasons. ;D Quick reccee of Triangle/Ted Baker/St Anne's Square area for some promising busking sites. Grocery shopping in Sainsbury's for a change! Definitely prefer it to Lidl n Tesco. Yew Hoong dropped by 7-ish to ask some advice about his current Starbucks job. 20 hours a week! He spends more waking hours in Starbucks than in his flat methinks. Poor fella should either majorly cut down or simply quit. Well... the lure of extra pocket money. Hence the attraction of busking apart from the plus points of free performing opportunities and more exposure. At the same time, one must have the time to spend the money, no? Solid 30 minute plus of practice on the Amati but was certainly too preoccupied to get any effective work in. Met JJ before 10pm for supper at Moso Moso - mmm... Of course the food was good; for that sort of prices couldn't expect any less I suppose. Haven't had the time for a real chill-out in ages... Edited more photos, chatted online, more photography stuff, organised most of room, put up a few more posters and brochures, tried to sleep but ended up tidying again and then blogging. Photo above taken at Whitworth Park: shadow and highlighting increased, decided black and white worked best as the direct sunlight was too bleaching and didn't want to increase colour saturation/temperature unnaturally. Or maybe it's just my mood now. Aha literally just realised why I'm awake at this unholy hour. Blame it on JJ! Ok fine, blame it on chinese tea. Haven't had tea at night for a long time and seem to have forgotten it contains caffeine too... Arggh!! @~@

p.s. Reading Yan Martel's Life of Pi at the moment... (does this make up for reading something so obvious and straightforward as Tony Parsons?? Ah well.)

Whitworth Park

One fine day, when in need of peace and silent conversation...
I'll be waiting, keeping this bench warm for you.

Mah Weekend

If I could create a post so you could live through the intense feeling I have when I play the cello, then I would. So now let's sit around for a some time... waiting, waiting... for the technology to be invented... Hahaha one could perhaps exhaust the entire repertoire for cello and some more before a brainiac somewhere invents it! Apologies but atm my world revolves around cello and music. Can't really multi-task any further lol. Am deciding real soon so be patient a little while longer, dear friends...


Realised yesterday how really exhauted I am by this cello business plus other personal "happenings". TEFL next weekend! What a laugh - in the end had a gleefully prolonged night of beauty sleep ;D and only woke up when my parents texted me thinking I'd overslept! Been just chilling and pigging out the whole day, did only a leeetle bitty slice of work and damn glad about it. Beautiful day with only a little threat of rain so couldn't resist waking the long-dormant shutter bug within.

Top photo taken just outside Whitworth Art Gallery. 2nd of the rather out-of-place clock tower on one of the NHS buildings. Then 3 consecutive shots of the same puddle from different angles, different editing. Kinda think the 3rd has the most interesting reflection, but the 2nd is far more dramative esp with the fine white tracings around the leaves. Comments, ppl!

Last night the Rivoli Quartet (Helen's my cello teacher) and a clarinettist performed first the Patrick Rivers clarinet quintet followed by the ever-classic Mozart A major clarinet quintet. One of the best concerts I've heard in too long. Rivers was a student of the music dept here in the 1950's - really touching that this was the quintet's first public performance after so long. He gave us a brief summary of the piece, and got a little bit emotional when the musicians pulled it off beautifully. As always, the Mozart was lyrical, soothing, uplifting, sublime - you name it, they did it. Tempi stricter that the Emerson Quartet-David Shriffin recording I'm used to, but 'twas really great seeing the interaction between the parts. Felt so much better after the concert I actually walked back to Whitworth with both cellos trailing behind! What a spectacle - had to walk past the long line of rock junkies queuing outside the Academy. Totally different wavelength. You poor, sad bastards. ;P

Photo of lonely Whatisname Whitworth (methinks anyway) with only the lil pidgeons for company. Oxford Road blissfully devoid of the usual mass of humanity. Must be all those silly Malaysians who've gone off to the Nottingham Games... =D Planning to study a bitttt more tomorrow, but then there's that Eid/Raya open house thingy at the International Soc (with freeee foooodd) from 3-6pm... Will probably go along just to mingle.

Anyways, need to run off now. Manc Uni Music Dept String Orch performing tonight - good ole Simon Lloyd conducting some obscure but brilliant pieces, including Warlock's Capriol Suite, Arensky's Variations on a Theme by Tchaikovsky and Britten's Simply Symphony, so must definitely listen if just for memory's sake. The Warlock was perhaps my first-ever chamber performance (UWC), the very rare and beautiful Arensky I did in Wells (Year 10??), and the Britten's 1st mvt just a few months ago in Sherborne... What satisfying continuity.

PS having problems synchronising picasa+hello+blogspot all at once. Decided to just publish one photo per day and blog when I feel like writing more or have the time to do so.

= =

Shit feeling so depressed. In the process of deciding which one of two cellos I love more. Bloody three thousand quid decision, the most expensive choice I've had to make in my life. Aih the pressure of it all. This is completely driving me to distraction - missed my fundamentals of management test this morning cos I totally forgot it switched with work psychology in the morning... Sigh yeah yeah it's only 10% of the final marks but missing it's just one more thing that's wearing me down, ya know? Nose been bleeding again after a record 2-month dry spell, and I've started walking into solid things (read: walls, doors, chairs, ironing board ouch) again. Weekend TEFL starts tomorrow bringing along a whole different load of Yi-Wen-bashing. Relish the challenge but tis a bit unfortunate it has to be this particular weekend. When it rains, it really pours. Just wanna get the cello situation over and done with. Check these photos of the two lovelies. Shot below of Whitworth Park Hall - lovely, no? Totally reflects my rather washed-out state of mind.

Retail Therapy...??

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok ok I know I've been pretty damn lucky Daddy's upped my budget for a new darling best friend luvva (cello la!) but haihh all this hassle of trying cello after cello after cello is starting to be seriously draining. Manchester's seriously screwed up - only THREE relatively accessible string dealers! Oh maannn, the time and energy involved travelling further afield. Suppose it'd be even more of a headache if my budget still stayed at 1K. On the other hand, I feel far more pressured and obligated to be darn sure about a cello before saying yes...

Discovered Pushkin's poetry! Dunno why I'm so into poetry this month... never really gotten into it before.


Alexander Pushkin - Day's Rain is Done

Day's rain is done. The rainy mist of night
Spreads on the sky, leaden apparel wearing,
And through the pine-trees, like a ghost appearing,
  The moon comes up with hidden light.
All in my soul drags me to dark surrender.
There, far away, rises the moon in splendour.
There all the air is drunk with evening heat,
There move the waters in a sumptuous heat,
  And overhead the azure skies...
It is the hour. From high hills she has gone
To sea-shores flooding in the waves' loud cries;
  There, where the holy cliffs arise,
Now she sits melancholy and alone...
Alone... Before her none is weeping, fretting,
None, on his knees, is kissing her, forgetting;
Alone... To no one's lips is she betraying
Her shoulders, her wet lips, her snow-white bosom.

No one is worthy of her heavenly love.
'Tis true?... Alone... You weep... I do not move.

Yet if...


Waaah the sheer atmosphere of it.  Love the intensity of the imagery, such
lush decription of the moon as a sublime, cold and lonely woman.  Photo above
of our last night in France this year. Anyways, gonna call it a day.  Waking
up early to spend the day in Stone, Staffordshire.
It'd better be one bright glorious day...

Baggage

Some how I find myself awake at 1 am, eating Korean noodles just because i need to eat and it's the only thing that appeals, and sitting here contemplating myself and my weird love life. (Shikes the soup's too watery.) Finally managed to superglue my specs back together - yeah walked into a wall a few weeks ago n smashed the left side plus cut my face hoho.

Right... just came back from Grosvenor Hall - Shahril's flat. Steeling myself to tactfully tell JD to bugger off during lunch at Footage in...7 hours' time! Pity is not the right way to go about doing this. Got cello lesson at 10, then dropping cello back in flat before hopefully an early lunch. So much work to do, my whole Reading Week's been completely screwed up. If only Daddy dearest knew, I'd get such a nagging. or Cold War. In such a reckless, fuck-all mood; far from my usual self.

Oh yeah forgot i didnt even mention what's been going on. Hung out with JD for the 2nd time ever on Saturday; suddenly Sunday he's like full-out persistent in getting me to go out with him. Way too intense and too fast. Anyway turns out that he's been rejected quite harshly but two girls already, and he's completely obssesed with relationships etc. Generally being worryingly possessive and jealous, needy and demanding. As a person also not my type la, tastes wildly different esp music and general everyday things. But volatile and sensitive, and already in a bit of an emotional/psychological trough. So wish me luck because I think I'll need every single bit I can get.

Hallowe'en

Ooh last day of October! 2005 is passing me by so darn fast, hadn't had time to sit n catch my breath. So many incredible things have happened.

Anyways, am on Reading Week (thank you thank you MBS!!) Got time to chill, catch up on the teetering pile of work, oil my seriously rusty cello and piano skills, and do some shopping! Ya know, there is a very good reason why it's called "retail therapy"... =P

Sharil's bday on Saturday! Did some industrious cooking with 2 kilos of Lidl's chicken, ended up scalding my arm on Sharil's oven door... Grrr! Ainun/BF did some nice stir-fry beef with veg; Za tried out ayam masak merah with Korean chili sauce or something! Didn't quite turn out as she wanted - more like ayam kimchi merah which was darn spicy n pretty alright in its own way haha... JJ did garlic egg fried rice, mushroom onion omelette n veg with fish slices - not bad! Ok, fine - t'was quite yummy. lol made Sharil remove his 19 candles with his teeth from THE Asda cake that was so precious...


Hung out with JJ, Sharil, JD, Chris n Mark after that. Went to Czech Bar but it was packed! Weird.. generally frequented by eccentric musicians n thus usually not v lively at all. Then on to the Union, but they wouldn'd let Mark in without his student card so to the Grovel it was. Yeah I've lived in Whitworth for 6 weeks but I've only passed through the Grovel! What a laugh - couldn't ever remember the entrance from within Grove House was. Then on to the Footage (haihh.. again.) Entertained once again by the junkie Nepalese guy - 'parently he goes there 5 times a week! That fella's over-fond of the 2nd pillar on the left of the entrance...

7 straight episodes of Friends! @@ JD's idea of a good chill-out sesh. Interspersed with bouts of random tickling, duvet-arranging, and garlic bread. JJ n JD really are so darn ticklish it's hilarious! Now, what was that about picking on someone your own size..? No further comments. Got home around 5am-ish. Total space-out.


Sunday went yum cha with JJ, Rach, Esther, Jasley, Ray, Fiona, Le Suen n Anita. 12-4 half price at Pearl City - freakin cheap! But then dim sum is dim sum and away from home it's still the same ole dim sum. Nowadays doing yum cha consists of the quest for better-dim-sum-than-the-last-place-we-went-to one forgets to really enjoy the food. No one ever tries to make really special stuff that stands above the rest. Then off to Gap just off St Ann's Square. Am I the only one in this place willing to go off n explore Manc alone? Oh well. Love this city. Wanna live here when I come out to work. Make big bucks n have a penthouse apartment in a posh green area of the city centre haha... We all live in dreams and hope...

Today had late lunch in Chinatown with JJ, thankfully had something different from the usual duck rice/dim sum one normally has in Chinatown. Then back to Gap to continue browsing n pick up the stuff we saw n liked yesterday. Really nice dark blue shirt with stripes - n half the price of one of those Ted Baker shirts! Ok ok, have to admit those were really smart too. The retail industry's such a freaking rip-off. Persuaded JJ to try on a turtleneck for the first time in his life. (Have to admit 'turtleneck' isn't exactly a very enticing name - who on earth first named it that and whyyyy i wonder.) Success! The brown one it was. Dammit, would just love to be one of those ppl who look good in nearly everything they try on. Grrr. Tried on a white-cream turtleneck too. Sleeves too long but what's new? 20 quid gaahh kind of tempted... Not good to go shopping in a blase mood!

Hallowe'en clubbing at Loaf! Talcum powder comes in very useful. Thanks babes! Shame Alex left the fake blood kit at home... n couldn't find any blood-red lipstick too... Trick or treat anyone??

Being terribly mo liu again

The opening lines from Blake's Auguries of Innocence:

To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.

Ah to be able to write verse like that, even if I have to spend one day on 10 lines a la Virgil... Don't know why I feel so drawn to these four lines. Sense of calmness and transcendence? Bugger it, don't need to justify everything I like and dislike! Used it as my msn name for a while - dear Mr Walker, don't care how pretentious it seems, you're just biased against Blake! JJ said he really liked it so showed him the entire poem; apparently his mum really likes it too...

New blog for every new beginning? Seems ridiculous, my lack of continuity in everything I do. The last time I stayed more than 2 years in a single place was primary school! Have a feeling that university's not going to be any different, especially if I'm taking my 3rd year off to work. Oh well, bonne chance to this!