tears

Woke up this morning with sore, swollen and tearing eyes, so it was another day wasted without any studying. Haven't the foggiest idea what caused it but I coudn't even open my eyes for 10 seconds at a stretch, and even wearing glasses was painful because of the lens contraction or whatever. After getting bored of sleeping (can imagine JJ's shock at this statement haha), been alternating between listening to music, peering blearily at movies on my screen, chatting on msn, and touch typing with my eyes closed.

As you can see, I've had plenty of time today to let my mind wander, get down to a little thinking.

After the glamourous photoshoot last week, I've had a handful of people buzz me over msn just to tell me how hot/sexy/nice/pretty the photos were. Mind you, they're on my contact list but aren't those I have conversations with regularly, and even if I do the conversations are usually initiated by me. Even now, looking over those photos, I think to myself that yes, I will always treasure them as the frozen moments of looking my best in my youth. At the same time, there's this niggling discontentment that only these superficial photos were able to make some people sit up and take notice of me.

The thing is, almost anyone can look stunning with good makeup, the right lighting, and a passable photographer. Thanks for the flattering comments, but I don't want to be praised only for looking like a generic 21st century hot chick. If they have to say anything, I'd rather people say that my smile comes from the heart. I want to hear things like 'Yi-Wen, you write like a dream. You've helped me live through this difficult period in my life. Your playing really moved me. I can lose track of time just by looking at the photos you take." Don't tell me I've grown prettier through the years, instead, that I've matured and improved as a person.

Rob wrote in my Wells farewell book that although I am small, I have a huge personality. However true that statement is, that's something that I'll always treasure and bring with me wherever I go. It's something that means far more to my values as a person than any photogenic image.

Because ultimately, I want to be noted for things that make a difference.