Sunday, March 08, 2009

One Week to Go

After being cut off from the WWW for the 3 whole weeks I've been here, it's time to resuscitate the bloggy. I dug up from the various drafts languishing on the Blogger Dashboard this post which I'd started just over a month ago. Understandably enough, this post has become even more relevant to me now that I'm actually here, as well as the number of times I've been asked that question that occurs a short way into the post. It would take a whole day of writing if I were to completely lay out my reasons for leaving England, but here are a few that relates to living in England in general. Sometimes the grass really isn't greener on the other side, but sadly enough life requires us to lose some things before we can truly appreciate them.

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It's one more week 'till I take off to Shanghai, the lustrous pearl of China, the land from whence my ancestors came from. I've never been there, even though a couple of my cousins were fortunate enough to be around to follow my maternal grandfather back to his hometown, where, a long time ago, his 7-yr-old self was the treasured youngest grandson of the local village bigwig. Where once that pampered little boy was even carried across the mansion's courtyards so his would not be dirtied by the earth, now stands a sprawling derelict ruin that nobody has claimed.

But such far-off origins, however interesting, carry only sentimental, wishful value to us. These places that we might return to visit are too changed, the long-lost relatives too foreign, to stir up any real deep-seated attachment other than those that arise from our own idealistic, romantic longings of our ancient heritage. Such is the fate of an Overseas Chinese. Our roots were cast too far away, partially severed by the journey undertaken by those ancestors who chose to seek new fortunes, and the lineage now far too imbedded in this adopted land to resurrect any dormant recognition of the past toils and triumphs from just a few generations ago.

Far more potent to our cultural identity is, of course, our own more immediate origins, the places and times that shaped us to what we are today. Over the last 6 months, many people have asked me why I chose not to stay on in England, despite (or perhaps, because of) having already committed 7 years to that country. They ask with undeniable interest and sometimes incredulity, as if by not remaining there I am somehow "wasting" all that time, by giving up on some benefit or opportunity that must have been my goal at the start of the 7-year commitment.

In the last post, I wrote about the places that have been my home for a while, of the nostalgia that arises every time I recall the feel and sensation of those spaces. Now my thoughts have moved from wondering about the physical place I am going to, to the people and culture I will encounter, and of course reflecting on my experiences from the past.

In the 7 years I have spent there, the UK, and Western society in general, has markedly changed from a culture that was a paragon of modern civilisation, to an environment that is unfriendly, self-serving, irresponsible, and makes one feel sick in the heart.

It has become a "surveillance state", where CCTVs follow your every move, and you can be held liable for actions you never realised were being recorded. It has become a nation obsessed with tests and rankings, much like the way Singapore is, and adopted much of the same kiasu mentality in that often the most important factors in making decisions, especially those pertaining to education and career, are test scores and league rankings. It has become a state bordering on socialism in certain aspects, and one so terribly afraid of offending, insulting or unintentionally discriminating against anybody and everybody. These two factors are invariably a hugely problematic combination, especially when needy or unscrupulous individuals can easily claim 'offense' if they are not given certain special rights or benefits from the state.

Prevalent among the worst of those living in Britain is the opportunistic, chip-on-my shoulder, denial-prone mentality that drives the individual to act only if there's something in it for them, and claiming indefinite inability to function due to some past, played-up mistake committed by somebody else. It's never their own fault, everybody owes it to them, and it is their prerogative, ie, "right" to be accorded special treatment even though they couldn't possibly deserve it in the first place.

Even worse is the now-rampant celebration of trash culture and anti-intellectualism, which has found its fullest expression in TV shows like Little Britain. This, coupled with the British nonchalance for a surveillance state, first gave rise to the "reality TV" of Big Brother, and now culminates in the very public dying of Big Brother's favourite prodigal daughter, Jade Goody. That a culture could denigrate so far, so low, that a sizeable chunk of its people will devote time to follow, in various forms of media, what should be a very private, dignified last act of a person says enough of the current and future state of this civilisation.

England was a place I called my "home away from home" for 7 full years, and never again will I call it "home" unless something happens, change extreme enough to divert this country away from its inexorable path to intellectual and spiritual destruction.

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