And so once more we begin, anew

I would just like to start this post with some unabashed heartfelt cheesyness. After all, isn't all the time I can get away with being soppy and truthful, right? =D We've seen the first five years of this millenium come and go - the sparkle and glamour of the 21st century has started to fade and we settle into routine. (Who here really remembers what the y2k fuss was all about?) I could say, everyday is one day less you have to live (gee, thanks sean!), or - everyday is one day more you've survived to live. What more can I write? Just that may this 2006 be a year of more discovery, within and without, a year for growth and containment, a year for living.

Sitting here at my desk in Manchester, first morning of my second term as a science student (hah!) in management, it's time to take stock of the year that has passed so quickly. For my part, I'd say 2005 really is a year I'll remember as THE year of extraordinary peaks and troughs. Just bear with me, and I'll give ya the highlights chronologically.

January saw AS retakes and A Level mocks come and go, with varied results. Thank goodness we had another 5 months to up the grade where required. The Mulliner International Fair was a veritable success; we exceeded our target of 1,000 pounds in net profit. My, that really was a hectic but satisfying time. Never folded so many origami bunnies and cranes in my life. Salesgirl and manager at full pitch.

Left for home slightly earlier at the end of March, missing out on Mulliner Revue (no major regrets there). Decision time was finalising my firm and insurance choices for university, seeing that I'd finally received my rejection from Warwick late January (not that I wanted to go there anyway huh). History of Art thesis on pre- and post-Independance classicism in Malaysian architecture was a tough cookie but all that hard work hanging out of moving cars taking photographs was well worth the A. Business Studies coursework and final revision towards exams spelled STRESS; certainly didn't study as hard as I could (should?) have, but s'ppose that was enough huh?

The end of secondary education in July was a bit of a downer for me. Made a short trip to my previous alma mater - Wells Cathedral School - one last time. Two lots of goodbyes for me. French composer Hector Berlioz (of the 5-movement Symphonie Fantastique fame) once said, "Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its students". Upon return to Sherbs there was preparation for our Leavers' Ball, but before that news finally broke to me that my maternal grandmother had lung (and later bone) cancer. I still remember sitting by the public phone wrapped in only a towel, trying desperately to stay calm, and later breaking down in the shower. They said she had only six months. Sat next to Tamara during our "Night of Eastern Promise" - turns out she and her mother were arrested that evening for alleged links with the Russian mafia...

Concerts throughout the year at Sherborne was preparation for the Madrigals and Chamber Orchestra trip to Perigueux, France. Many thanks to my music teachers Martin "Mr W" Walker and Philippa Stevens for 2 wonderful years of music-making, as well as others like Tony "Sherburnchick" Urbainczyk and John "JJ" Jenkins. France was a tough time for me, what with general burn-out, cancer at home, and blazing hot weather, as well as the constant pressure to perform well. But it was a brilliant trip, with good food, good friends, and far more ups than downs. Nothing quite beats lots of music, friendship, wine, food and travel all at once... At around the same time, my paternal grandfather was finally admitted to hospital with long-term bleeding from an ulcer in his ileum. Arriving in KLIA mid-July was a huge, huge relief.

Summer holidays wasn't exactly the ideal, martini-sipping getaway I'd imagined. Spent time with family, gradually coming to terms with the reality of time and age. Realised what it really means to love another, the whole package of pain and pleasure. Learnt dependance after so many years of being self-sufficient; learnt patience; learnt to let go. Unpleasant incident with the plant-fanatic neighbour which doesn't quite seem to have resolved itself... August 18, the day of reckoning. Brilliant news of A Level results from careers teacher Polly English, and off to Manchester it was! I'd only just scraped an A in Business Studies - but what did that matter? =P

Preparation and settling in to uni life went off without a glitch. The shit started later when I had to juggle assignment and uni commitments, traveling/shopping for a wonderful new cello, a headache-inducing love life, ups and downs at home, and finally anaemia. But other than that Manchester's been simply fabulous as they say - new friends, flexible challenging studying, autonomy, beautiful weather, plenty of distractions for a girl in UK's greatest student city.

Comin' Up in 2006
1) 6 exams until end of January. Can't quite say I'll do brilliantly, but the best I can.
2) Chinese New Year - 5th one away from home, but it'll be pretty exciting this year I'm sure. Bring on the cookies and yee sang! Oh yeah not to forget the hong pau but then there's hardly anyone married in Manchester n'est pas? =P
3) Complete my TEFL. All that stands between me and a diploma at 19 years old is the grammar awareness module to supplement the intensive weekend training.
4) Spanish beginner's lessons. Decided since I can still communicate in French, might as well try out something different, widely-used and relatively easy...
4) Pulling my weight in 2nd sem.
5) Amsterdam in April? Rembrandt's 400th birthday, the perfect time for an amateur photographer to go capture the tulips and tourists. Turkey's out of the question with increasing numbers of bird flu cases. ...Prague?
6) Sean - baby cousin bro coming to Manchester for the remainder of my April break, ostensibly to check out UK and college/uni life. Want him pretty near if/when he comes for his diploma in performing arts. Heck, in fact I need to keep in touch with the rest of my cousins a bit more...
7) 2nd sem exams and end of 1st year - May/June
8) 3 months summer holiday in which I will (or rather, hope to): work for 2 months, get in lots of music practice, shop! maybe join Ben R in Borneo
9) 2nd year uni, will be staying in Wilmslow Park! wahey... private's more expensive but less shitty than uni accommodation. Double bed means I can have lots of ppl come visit and stay over, plus far more space to practice cello, better maintainance of facilities and better security.
10) Finally, play hard, but gotta work harder this year...

For those who don't know, we've just found out a few days ago from my grandmother's latest CT scan that it's spread to her brain. In the middle of a radiotherapy course now; hopefully it'll be effective. Have learnt to say goodbye this hols - radiotherapy'll affect her memory, cause her hair to fall out. Whatever happens, whether or not she'll be there when I go home in the summer, she'll never be the same. Finding out about this was nearly as big a shock as hearing about her cancer for the first time in July.

One of my favourite photos, the best "accidental" shot I've ever taken. (Moat around Bishop's Palace, Wells) Such fleeting beauty only serves as a reminder of life's impermanence. Lynn once said it's better than having my grandmother drop dead from a heartattack - s'ppose it's better to have a bit more time to resolve matters, give family and friends a chance to come to terms with it. But prolonged illness and pain ain't the best way to go either. Told JJ (Juan Jin, not John Jenkins!) I wanna go like his grandfather, peacefully with family all around me. I know, I know - morbid, can't help thinking about it so young, but don't we all wish for the same? She used to call me "ugly duckling", with the hope that I'd grow into a beautiful swan...